Crude and offensive jokes competition
Can anyone tell me any really funny but clean jokes please?
OK! Here goes…
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?” The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?” The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
A school inspector asked the class, “If length of the platform is 200 metres and speed of the train is 100 kilometres what should be my age?” Noting the absurdity of the question, a clever student answered, “Fifty years, sir.” The answer was absolutely correct. The inspector was astounded. He asked the boy his method of calculation. “Simple, sir,” the boy replied, “I have an elder brother aged 25 years and everybody calls him half mad!”
…
A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:”Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I’m a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train.”
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying:”Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!!!.
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Amusing Witty Clean Funny Jokes
April fool’s day is a favorite day for some, because there are many funny jokes that can be played. But when you are working for ‘The Man’ humor can be unacceptable. The workplace has become a controversial place for funny jokes, because what is funny to one person can be considered an attack by another. Finding humor at another person’s expense can cause many stressful days at work or even many lawsuits.
Many companies hold informational meeting on not practicing office humor, because they don’t want any of there workers to be offended. However, at time companies can cross the line on what is acceptable and not acceptable. Part of the problem with telling a person that funny jokes or humor is not acceptable is that if a person can not enjoy themselves at work the workplace will become uninviting and the workers unhappy.
‘Night Court’ was a sitcom that came out quite a few years ago. The judge on the show was always having fun, but playing practical jokes occasionally got him in trouble. However, most of the time the judge’s antics allowed him to see a larger scope of the people he met and he was able to help them to better their lives. A saying that many companies need to learn is the ‘a little levity never hurt’. Allowing personnel the opportunity to send jokes through email and find humor in some of the bad things that may happen in the office can help to handle stress and bring a better camaraderie between the workers.
Where the line needs to be drawn on funny jokes and humor is if the joke shows a racial or gender bias or if the joke is intended to harm another or cause a person to be made to look bad (especially in the eyes of their superiors). Harmful jokes or humor should never be acceptable in the workplace. Every individual should be responsible for their actions and take steps to know what is acceptable and will be found as a funny joke. If a joke is questionable the individual should recognize that that type of humor should be refrained from.
A company does have the responsibility to uphold its reputation and should educate its employees on acceptable humor and what would be considered a not so funny joke. However, companies should also take steps to allow their employees a fun work place. Part of this may include allowing a worker to use email to send jokes to people they know. One suggestion for the workplace may be to have a ‘no joke’ list and if people do not want to receive jokes through email they can place themselves on the list.
Humor and jokes should be allowed in the work place to allow a happier and more jovial work environment. A funny joke can cheer up a person’s day and a little humor can relieve stress. If an individual is responsible to not offend a person and the company encourages their work force to be happy working for ‘The Man’ wouldn’t be so bad.
About the Author
To learn about blood lily and blackberry lily, visit the Types Of Lilies website.
Anti-Democrat Humor
But as for hilarious, nothing beats Mr. Gotta-Go-Now. Measuring about 1′ foot tall and in bright red, yellow, and greens, hes easy to spot whether hes hiding in your garden, or sitting on top of the office fax…
What type of person sees the funny side of a joke or gag told by a stand up comedienne, what type of person doubles over with laughter after the punch line of a joke has been delivered? What kind of person is more prone to giggle when watching someone play the fool? Well the answer to that is simple? A person one who wants to laugh. Laughter represents happiness.
Celebration parties will always include some form of entertainment – whether it is in the form of a musical band – solo singer or magician etc. But the most popular performer of all invited along to entertain is a stand up comedienne and the reason for that is because they can accommodate their act to suit the mood.
Stand up comics have a mission to accomplish each time they perform their act and that is to make people laugh with their funny jokes – some funny folk amuse party guests in other ways with hilarious foolish antics or silly mime games.
Depending on the event or occasion the comedy performance may be structured around the parties theme e.g. a child’s party may have characters like a clown or if it is an all male wild stag night gathering – then expect the stand up comedienne to deliver the goods in the way of naughty blue jokes. Jokes and gags come clean or dirty – this is your party therefore the choice of entertainment is entirely up to you.
The best thing for you to do if you are to host an event which involves a stand up comedienne – is to do a little research, check out what you feel will go down well with your party guests. An atmosphere where laughter holds a strong presence tells you that the party is definitely a success.
Sometimes it is the host that takes on the role as the funny performer (stand up comedienne) if this is your intention then ask a few close friends for help in rounding up a few party gags – by doing this you have guaranteed laughs because those who shared their jokes with you will always find them funny. Stand up comedienne jokes and gag material can be found online. If you are finding it a struggle to get your act together then why not listen to or watch a video on stand up comediennes to gather tips. Online entertainment sites provide all you need to know on funny folk, so if you are gagging for a good joke then go online.
Another good idea is to practice acting out your stage show in the mirror – this is a great way to make sure you look the part and that part is the star attraction at the event.
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I am Mufiz from Mumbai.
Clean Funny Jokes!
Craze of latest mobile ringtones is increasing with time. Nowadays, all the mobile manufacturers try to provide every possible application in the sets. Leaders of this field, such as Nokia, Blackberry, Samsung etc. have piled out several handsets across the globe. Customers from this generation have became very much choosy in the matter of purchasing mobile phones. They do not make any decision without having full flagged information about them. Mobiles which come with sophisticated applications and ultimate designs automatically yield the demand from the customers’ side. In the recent time, free funny mobile ringtones are vary much in demand. As people have less time for fun, this option is very much in demand. By these funny tones, one can create a humorous atmosphere around him. They generally involve the dialouges from comedy movies, any famous comic comment or any other funny musical tones which can give a laugh to you. Not only funny tones, even there are lots of other themes available to entertain the users. These are one of the most interesting features which enhance the entertaining factor of these devices. Setting the hot favorite tones into the phones have become a fashion statement for today’s generation. It has infact added to the sale of these devices.
With the passage of time, the option of fun filled amazing ringing tones have become the most useful characteristic of the handsets. The awesome musical tunes have started influencing the users to replace their previous monotonous buzz with the latest ones, without any hassles. Most of the users purchase the devices which have the potentiality to support multiple musical file formats. The uncommon themes of tone can attract our near and dear ones. Moreover, you can also get a hold over the interest of the people around you by downloading funny mobile ringtones with the melodious tones. The interesting point is that many of us are very fond of changing our ringing tones within a specific time, as these tunes imply our mood and lifestyle. Also, the personality of the user can be guessed from the tone of his or her phone.
Another prime advantage of these piece of music is they can be easily downloaded from the internet. These days, mobile free ringtones are also available, which enhances the popularity of the ringing alerts. Most individuals like to install special tones on their devices. These wonderful themes can belong to any category such as jazz, classical, pop music and so on. These melodic ringtones seem to be a good combination of fun and entertainment. These entertaining musicals have a great impact on the style of an individual, so they can be termed as a perfect option of entertainment, which have also played a unique role in enhancing the communication process.
It is an easy process, if you are a romantic person, you can go for a romantic tune in your handset. As technology is changing at a rapid speed, these comes in high-end quality. So, very easily one can enjoy quality music and rock on to those tunes.
Nisha is a Professional writer working with m.YouTring. An online Entertainment portal offering complete mobile applications like free downloadable mobile software, mobile games , latest videos and free themes.
Animals mating (funny music)
