Can anyone tell me any really funny but clean jokes please?
OK! Here goes…
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?” The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?” The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
A school inspector asked the class, “If length of the platform is 200 metres and speed of the train is 100 kilometres what should be my age?” Noting the absurdity of the question, a clever student answered, “Fifty years, sir.” The answer was absolutely correct. The inspector was astounded. He asked the boy his method of calculation. “Simple, sir,” the boy replied, “I have an elder brother aged 25 years and everybody calls him half mad!”
…
A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:”Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I’m a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train.”
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying:”Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!!!.
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Amusing Witty Clean Funny Jokes
What type of person sees the funny side of a joke or gag told by a stand up comedienne, what type of person doubles over with laughter after the punch line of a joke has been delivered? What kind of person is more prone to giggle when watching someone play the fool? Well the answer to that is simple? A person one who wants to laugh. Laughter represents happiness.
Celebration parties will always include some form of entertainment – whether it is in the form of a musical band – solo singer or magician etc. But the most popular performer of all invited along to entertain is a stand up comedienne and the reason for that is because they can accommodate their act to suit the mood.
Stand up comics have a mission to accomplish each time they perform their act and that is to make people laugh with their funny jokes – some funny folk amuse party guests in other ways with hilarious foolish antics or silly mime games.
Depending on the event or occasion the comedy performance may be structured around the parties theme e.g. a child’s party may have characters like a clown or if it is an all male wild stag night gathering – then expect the stand up comedienne to deliver the goods in the way of naughty blue jokes. Jokes and gags come clean or dirty – this is your party therefore the choice of entertainment is entirely up to you.
The best thing for you to do if you are to host an event which involves a stand up comedienne – is to do a little research, check out what you feel will go down well with your party guests. An atmosphere where laughter holds a strong presence tells you that the party is definitely a success.
Sometimes it is the host that takes on the role as the funny performer (stand up comedienne) if this is your intention then ask a few close friends for help in rounding up a few party gags – by doing this you have guaranteed laughs because those who shared their jokes with you will always find them funny. Stand up comedienne jokes and gag material can be found online. If you are finding it a struggle to get your act together then why not listen to or watch a video on stand up comediennes to gather tips. Online entertainment sites provide all you need to know on funny folk, so if you are gagging for a good joke then go online.
Another good idea is to practice acting out your stage show in the mirror – this is a great way to make sure you look the part and that part is the star attraction at the event.
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About the Author
I am Mufiz from Mumbai.
Clean Funny Jokes!
Any1 got any short but funny jokes?
Please leave ur short jokes here an ill pick a Best 1 when im back online =)
A Small Joke…… ?
I rear ended a car a few days ago…….
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He was pi*sed!
He looked up at me and said “I am NOT happy!”
I said, “Then, which one are you?
Funny jokes, short funny jokes
They say laughter is the best medicine. There's something about laughter really takes the stress away. Apparently, it so healing, only specific therapeutic laughter you can pay $ 200 an hour to go in a room and laugh your head.
The rest of us should go to these lengths when you want some cheap laughs. But humor is an elusive friend. Each of us has different ways to tickle our sense of humor. But I'm sure many will agree when I say the jokes are the best tool for crack and laugh boisterously.
Usually in a group of friends, there's always a clown, the person to find jokes and gags. If you're lucky, you will have more than one. Unfortunately, we are all lucky. There some among us who can not get their particular type of jokes. As I said, we need different ways to tickle our funny bone.
Fortunately there are several ways to the mobile phone industry is trying to answer the call for laughter. It is now considered the standard jokes sent by text message. In fact, specialized services whose very existence is for this purpose.
These services respond to many users. Provide different reasons people laugh, jokes are different for everyone. For those who are in the mood polished, there are jokes that are actually very funny. These jokes are clean so clean that you can tell your children and ask them to spread around their school.
There are jokes for any occasion. What better way to wish a friend for his birthday to send funny joke birthday? These birthday funny jokes can also be adapted to your taste if you want lewd and rude or prim and proper. These jokes are jokes about age, the promises of gifts and others are just sweet.
If no visitors to justify the sending a birthday joke funny, then there are jokes for other events. There is an abundance of jokes about Christmas, Hanukkah and Eid itself. These jokes may be christmas sent directly to your phone that can send to your friends. Christmas Humor are all made of text. He emails that include images, videos and audio. Send a Christmas fun song friends instead of writing about.
There are many other types of jokes that can be sent to your phone elsewhere Jokes Christmas. sexual humor, racist jokes and even dangerous political humor are general users subscribe. All you need to tickle the funny bone.
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Funny Jokes From Around The World
Do you have any really funny jokes that are short? 10pts for best one!?
My friend and I are texting jokes back and forth and i need a really funny one… it can be dirty… but not too dirty and please keep it short because i’m texting it!
The fight me and my wife had last night was my fault. My wife asked me what was on the TV, and i said dust.
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
Where do you find a one legged dog? Where you left it.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.
What is invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts.
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested? He was charged with battery.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they’ve got big fingers!
Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out the underpants.
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms? Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.
What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will always blow your bonus!
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?
I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.
I used to have a lot of pimples. One day I fell asleep in a library, I woke up to find a blind man was reading my face!
What did the left nut say to the right nut? The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard!
What did the ghost say to the bee? BOO-BEE
How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower? Give the bitch a shovel
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.
George Bush virus: Doesn’t do anything, but you can’t get rid of it until November.
Victor Borge – Jokes & Danish Folk Song Medley
