Recently, the UK has been blanketed by heavy snowfall, with some areas seeing more snow than they have in 50 years. Now, this was all well and good over the holiday season because only a true Scrooge would turn his nose up at a white Christmas, but now all the white stuff is starting to cause some major problems, especially for drivers.
Not helping matters is the fact that many local councils are experiencing a shortage of road grit. (Didn’t this happen last year?Doesn’t it happen EVERY year?) This has meant that rubbish collection is sporadic (if it occurs at all), thousands of people haven’t been able to make it in to work and schools have been closed. Admittedly, that last one probably wouldn’t be viewed negatively by the children of the United Kingdom.
The shortage of grit has got me thinking though.Some alternative materials to replace the missing grit must exist to help the councils see us through this snowy winter weather. In fact, here’s a list of my Top 7 grit replacements, just because I’m helpful like that:
1. Cat litter – Sure, this stuff is great for when Fluffy has to empty out last night’s mystery mackerel in jelly, but throw some of this down and you’ll be on your way before you can say “I can has cheezburger?“
2. Crunchy nut cornflakes – There’s nothing better than a bowl of these little beauties in the morning to help banish those morning hunger pangs, but save some for the front drive to help provide that little bit of extra traction. WARNING: This method might attract people know as “Crunchy Nuts”. Please remove them from underneath your vehicle before starting your journey, or you may have more troubles than just snow and ice.
3. Belly button fluff – Everybody’s got loads of this stuff just lying around being useless, so why not sprinkle liberally in the required areas? It’s super-absorbant!
4. Frozen Yorkshire puddings – You know how it is when you’ve planned a traditional Sunday roast and once again you’ve bought way too many of these edible hockey pucks.Fear not, snow warrior. Empty your freezer of the surplus puds and stick them under your tyres for maximum effect.Well done, Aunt Bessie!
5. Gunpowder – Yes, that’s right. Gunpowder. Spread this “wonder grit” all over your street, set it alight, then stand back and watch all the neighbours come out and phone the police.
6. Stale bread – You must have some of this on a shelf somewhere. There’s nothing like a little dried out seed loaf to provide a grippy surface for your woefully inadequate snow tyres. (May not work in seaside towns. Them seagulls be HUNGRY!)
7. Broken glass – A convenient option for urban areas and back alleys. This one’s a no-brainer really. Sure, you’ll get some top-notch traction, but you’ll also get one or two punctured tyres. Hey, you made the effort…it’s not your fault you still can’t make it to work.
Luckily, in addition to the handy hints above, there’s all sorts of helpful advice out there if you’re inclined to seek it out. The AA always offers some great common sense tips, and even air travellers can find handy tips from some of the UK’s aerodromes like the recommendation to use undercover Liverpool Airport parking.
If all the councils across this fair land would simply take note of the above list, this country could be running smoothly once again. Plus, when they realise how much money they’re saving not having to purchase traditional grit, they can send some to me!
